Three Patients in a mental hospital prepare for an examination given by the pschiatrist. The condition was that if the patients pass the test they wiould be set free. However if they fail, it'd mean detention for 5more years.
The Dr. tskes them to the top of the diving board over an
empty swimming pool and asks the 1st patient to jump. The 1st patient jumps head first and breaks both arms. The 2nd patient jumps and breaks both legs. The 3rd patient looks over the side and refusesto jump. "Congratulations" you're a free man. Just tell me why you dint jump?
To which the patient replied : Well Dr. I can't swim.
A Little boy ,a tt he wedding looks up at his mom and asks : Mommy, why does the bride wear white?
Mom: The bride wears white because its the happiest day of her life. The boys scratches his head and then : Well then, why is the groom wearing black?
Joe was not an unromantic person but also quite stupid. Wanting to impress his wife, he took her out for dinner for aniversary and watched couples around him. Observing the couple next to them he saw the mn lift a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup saying - " sugar, Sugar? " Joe thinking this is great continued to watch. Another couple he saw a man spooning honey to his wife, " honey,Honey? "
Again he thought this was good. Finally he cut a piece of meat, stared longingly into his wife's eyes and said - " ham,Pig?"
A young blonde bride calls her mother in tears and says "Robert doesn't appreciate the things i do for him." Her mother comforted her, " I am sure it was a misunderstanding. " "No mother, i brought him a frozen turkey roll and he screamed at me for the price. " " But those turkey rolls are only a few dollars. "
"It was the price of the turkey , it was the airplane ticket. "
" What you need an airplane ticket for? "
" Well, when i went to make it - the directions on the package said ' prepare from a frozen state' so i flew to Alaska. "
A little boy went up to his father and asked, " Dad, where did I get all the intelligence from?
Father : It must have be your mother, coz i still have mine in place.
A 3 year old opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and discovered it was a water pistol. He squealed with delight an drushed to the nearest sink to fill it up.
His mother, who was not so pleased turned to her mother and said, " I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with those water guns?
The grandmother smiled and said, "I remember. "
3 sisters aged 92,94,and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 yr old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells her sisters, " Was i getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 yr old shouts back -I don't know. I'll come up and see. " She starts up the stairs and pauses - then shouts " Was I going up or down the stairs.
The 92 yr is sitting att the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. she shakes he head and says, " I sure hope I never get
that forgetful. She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, " I'll come up and help you both as soon as I see who's at the door."
She was so blonde she tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20mins looking at the orange juice can which said ' Concentrate'
At the bottom of the application where it said sign here- she wrote Sagitarius
She Asked for a price check at the Dollar Shop.
An Elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house.
After eating, the wives left the table . The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, " Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was great. I would highly recommend it."
the other man said, " What is the name? "
The 1st man thought and thought and finally said, " What is the name of the flower you give tot he one you love , the one that is red and has thorns.?
"Do you mean a rose? "
" Yes." He turned toward the kitchen and yelled, " Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night. "
US Air introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their hussbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR dept sent out letters to all the wives who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoed their trip. In response they received letters asking, " What trip?
A Man wals into a bar and as he makes his way to the counter he stops and talks to everyone at the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up, leave and stand outside the window , looking in.
Finally the bar is empty except for the guy and the bartender. The man walks upto him and says, " I bet you $1000 that i can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from 30feet away without lettin a drop outside the glass.
The bartender thinks the guy's a nutcase but he wants his $1000, so he agrees. Gets a shot glass and paces out 30feet and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar and doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes the bartender approaches the guy and says, " I guess you owe me a $1000?
The Man : Yeah, but i bet all of those people outside the window $500a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar. "
