Santa Banta

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat,
>the boy suddenly became curious about the world
>around him.
>
>He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
>
>The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know,
>son."
>
>The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father,
>"How do fish breathe underwater?"
>
>Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
>
>A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
>
>Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
>
>Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my
>asking you all of these questions?"
>
>"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn
>anything!"
>
>************************************************************************
>********************
>
>WEEWEECHU
>
> One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung
>Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full
>moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu."
>
> "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
>
> "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and
>its the perfect time," Huan Cho begged.
>
> "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
>
> "Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
>
> Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."....
>
> SO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
>
> Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang....
>
> "Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
> Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
> Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,
> and a hoppy New Year !"
>
>
>
>************************************************************************
>********************
>
>1. Santa : What is the meaning of SMS ?
>
> Banta : It Means...
> S - Sardaron ka
>
> M - Mazaak udane ki
>
> S - Service
>
>
>
> 2. Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why
>???
> Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from
>the office
>
>
> 3. A sardar saw a beautiful girl.
> he went and kissed her.
> GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
>
> Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....
>
>
>
> 4. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road.
>
> Traffic inspector stopped him.
>
> Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
>
> Inspector: without instructor?
>
> Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.
>
>
>
> 5. Once a school teacher told kids to write an essay on cricket
>match.
> Everybody was busy writing except santa, he wrote "Match
>cancelled due to rain".
>
>
> 6. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak
>nahin penda.
> Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata
>hoon."
>
>
> 7. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
>
> Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
>
> Lady calls again, Santa replies:
>
> I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the bell, but no one
>comes out.
>
>
> 8. Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne
>
> poocha kya bana rahe ho?
>
> Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..
>
>
> 9. A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
>
> Santa hurriedly rushed to home,
>
> within half hour came back angrily and slapped the man and
>
> said: He is not Banta.

Cricket Fans

1. LAXMAN:
>
>available@home-only.com <mailto:available@home-only.com%20>
>
>2.GANGULY:
>
>now@bak2team.com
>
>3.KUMBLE:
>
>only@test_match.com
>
>4.SACHIN:
>
>admitted@hospital.com
>
>5.KAIF:
>
>good@for_nothing.com
>
>6.SEHWAG:
>
>consistently@out_of_form.com
>
>7.DRAVID:
>
>stick@crease_like_fevicol.com
>
>8.PATHAN:
>
>takewickets@only_with_ kenya.com <http://kenya.com/>
>
>9. GREG CHAPPELL
>
>only_experiment@noresult.com
>
>
>10. Munaf Patel
>
>only_line <mailto:only_line&length@nospeed.com> &length@nospeed.com
>
>
>11.Harbhajan Singh
>
>no_spinpitch@nowicket.com
>
>
>
>12. Suresh Raina
>
> <http://why_i_am_there@god_knows.com/>
>why_i_am_there@god_knows.com

-----------------------------------------------------------------

For all the Sachin fans, u will just love it !

A MUST READ FOR EVERY CRICKET FAN.. JUST READ IT TILL THE END.

"Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it." 
- Hashim Amla, the South African batsman, reassures himself as he boards a flight. 

"Sometimes you get so engrossed in watching batsmen like Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar that you lose focus on your job." 
- Yaseer Hameed in pakistani newspaper. 

"To Sachin, the man we all want to be" 
- Andrew Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin. 

“Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their lives." 
- BBC on Sachin

"Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?" 
- Wasim Akram to Abdul Razzaq when the latter dropped Sachin's catch in 2003 WC. 

Sachin is a genius. I'm a mere mortal. 
- Brian Charles Lara

"We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin." 
- Mark Taylor, during the test match in Chennai (1997)

"The more I see of him the more confused I'm getting to which is his best knock." 
- M. L. Jaisimha

"The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility - all make for a one-in-a-billion individual," 
- Glen McGrath 

"I can be hundred per cent sure that Sachin will not play for a minute longer when he is not enjoying himself. He is still so eager to go out there and play. He will play as long as he feels he can play," 
- Anjali Tendulkar

Question: Who do you think as most important celebrity ? 
Shah Rukh Khan: There was a big party where stars from bollywood and cricket were invited. Suddenly, there was a big noise, all wanted to see approaching Amitabh Bachhan. Then Sachin entered the hall and Amitabh was leading the queue to get a grab of the GENIUS!! 
- Shah Rukh Khan in an interview. 

“India me aap PrimeMinister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par Sachin Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte.. “ 
- Navjot Singh Sidhu on TV 

He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also. 
- Waqar Younis 

'I Will See God When I Die But Till Then I Will See Sachin' 
- A banner in Sharjah 

Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the world. I was bowling to Sachin and he hit me for two fours in a row. One from point and the other in between point and gully. That was the last two balls of the over and the over after that we (SA) took a wicket and during the group meeting i told Jonty (Rhodes) to be alert and i know a way to pin Sachin. And i delivered the first ball of my next over and it was a fuller length delevery outside offstump. And i shouted catch. To my astonishment the ball was hit to the cover boundary. Such was the brilliance of Sachin. His reflex time is the best i have ever seen. Its like 1/20th of a sec. To get his wicket better not prepare. Atleast u wont regret if he hits you for boundaries. 
- Allan Donald 

On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This Genius can stop time in India!! 
- Peter Rebouck - Aussie journalist

"Sachin cannot cheat. He is to cricket what (Mahatma) Gandhiji was to politics. It's clear discrimination. " 
- NKP Salve, former Union Minister when Sachin was accused of ball tempering 

There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the others. 
- Andy Flower 

"I have seen god, he bats at no.4 for India" 
- Mathew Hayden 

"Commit all your sins when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed coz even the GOD is watching" 
- A hoarding in England


NOW THIS ONE IS PROBABLY THE BEST AND MOST CUTEST OF THE LOT



"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar." 
- Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai. 

Teen Jokes

• A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martini's and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

          " I never saw anything as peculiar as that!" said a customer. "What's so peculiar about it? " -asaked a bartender.
"His wife sent him out for a jar of olives. "

• A tourist guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone park when one of the kids asked him if he had had ever come face to face with a wolf?  He replied, " Yes. I came face to face with a wolf once and as luck would have it I was alone and without a weapon."  " What did you do? "- the girl pushed on, curious. Guide- " What could I do? " First , I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came towards me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast.

           "  How did you get away?  " As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage. "

• An English Professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, " The parrot  I purchased yesterday uses improper language." "I'm surprised, I never taught him to swear." - the shopkeeper. Prof, " OH! It isn't that. " explained the professor, " but yesterday I heard him split an infinitive. " 

•        A Gentleman wanders around the campus of his college looking for the library. He approaches a student and assked, " Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at? The student in a very arrogant and belittling tone replied, " I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition." The gentleman smailed and replied, " I beg you paedon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?
• I've had the most awful time.- said a boy to his friends. First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosceriosis. Just as i was recovering, i got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics and to top it all, tonsolitis was followed by appendectomy. Wow!! How did you pull through? - sympathized his friends. " I don't know" , boy replied. " Toughest spelling test i ever had. "

 

•          A Linguistics professor was lecturing a class the other day. "In English", he said, "A double negative forms a positive. However, in Russian, double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive turns a negative. A voice from the back of the class retorted, " Yeah, right. "

• An older white haired man, walked into a jewellery store with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5000 ring and showed it to him.

          The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something VERY special. " At that , the jeweller went to his special stock and pulled out another ring. " Here's a one for $40,000. " the jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, " We'll take it. " Jeweller asked how payment will be made and the man said by cheque. " I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so i'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and i'll pick th ering on monday afternoon."
Monday morning the jeweller called the man, " Ther is no funds in your bank. " "I know" said the old man, "But can you imagine the weekend i had. "

• A Kangeroo kept getting out at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten foot fence, he was out again. A 20feet fence, again he was out the next day. 30-40-100feet fence. Still he got out. A camel next to the kangeroo's cage asked, " How high do you think they'll go? " Kangeroo, " I don't know, maybe a thousand feet- unless someone locks the gate at night."
• A Panda walks into a restaurant, sits and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waitor. As he's leaving the manager shouts out, " Where do you think you're going? You just shot my waitor and you haven't paid for the sandwich." The Panda yells back, " Hey man , i'm a PANDA. Look it up in the dictionary. The manager opens his dictionary and reads the definition for panda : A tree dwelling marsupialof Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, Shouts and leaves."

GREAT TRUTHS THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
You can't trust dogs to watch over your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS LEARNED :

Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to the tree.

Wrinkles don't hurt.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for your fibre, not for the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD :

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Its frustrating when you know all the answers but no one there to ask the questions.

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

• *  A Stranger seated next to Little Johnny on the plane said,  "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. " Little Johnny who had just opened his book, closed it slowly. and said, " what would you like to talk about? , Oh! i dunno, said the stranger. "How about Nuclear Power. " Ok, said Little Johnny, "That could be a interesting topic. But let me ask you something first."

          A Horse, a cow and a deer - all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you think is that ? "
"Jeez", said the stranger. "I have no idea."
" Well , then." said Little Johnny, " How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit? "

• A man was crossing a road when a frog called out to him and said," If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, " I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are. " The man took the frog out and smiled and kept it back. The frog, " If you kiss me i will turn into a proncess and be yours fro a year." The man smiled again. Finally the frog asked, " What's the matter? I'm telling you i'll turn into a princess, don't you want to kiss me? The man said, "Look i'm a computer programmer. so i don;t have time for girls, but a talking frog is cool. "

Dirty Cracks

* Girl : Main Radio ki tarah hu, mera ek nipple tuning hai aur 1 nipple volume

Boy: Main tho dono daba raha hu aawaj tho nahi aa rahi?

Girl : Neeche cell kya tera baap dalega.


* Boy : Pura andar gaya kya?

Girl : Ouch.. ha

Boy : Tight hai, zyada lag tho nahi raha hai?

Girl : Ha.. thora thora

Boy  : Oye!! Madam ko 8 number wala jutha dikha.

The 1st of it..

*What is a work Laugh ?

A laugh that you give to your boss and the boss eventually joins in, when he asks you how your meeting with his new client went,

where neither of you knows why the other is laughing.


* How did the Deer get beaten by the donkey??


Think, think, think.... :)




-He Didn't, but you are a very thoughtful and curious person.